I'm Saving All My Love For Tom.

Love.

A word that tastes like vinegar in my mouth. Love is icky. Love is cruel. & for me, Love is nonexistent.

Love is commonly defined as " a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."

Love is UrbanDictionary defined by many on over 127 pages. My favorites include:

• An inexplainable yet incredibly strong feeling for someone...Most people use the word "love" to get into someone else's pants. Love is overused in today's world, people say they love someone because of the way they look or their body.
•   Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so
  vulnerable.
•  Either a horrible disease or a blessing.
•  Love is when your dog licks your face, when you come home, even though you've left them alone all day.
•   Love, my friend, is a wonderfully, wonderfully, shitty thing.

I Googled Love. Google says Love is as followed:

• Images of toddlers kissing.
• Cats.
• A calculator that determines "how in luuuuuv you are"
• Match.com

What do I love?

I love:

• Food (Popcorn, Chicken Nuggets, Sour Gummi Worms)
• Music.
• Literature
• Coffee & Tea
• Sunrises
• My Family & friends
• Meteor Showers
• Wine
• Fluffy Animals
• Movies
• "The First Kiss" movie scenes
• Cities
• Summer Rain
• New clothes, shoes, accesorries
• Small Town Shops
• Quaint Cafes
• Overly large statues (example: the animal statues you can take pictures with at zoos)
• Musuems
• Random Facts
• Funny youtube personalities
• Celebrities who are genuine 

I could continue, but do you see a pattern? I love objects and moments. The only humans I love are related to me or people who are practically family.

Have I ever thought I was in love?

Yes.

Was I actually in love?

No.

How do I know? - Here is my take on relationships, love, and all the icky, smushy stuff.

The best advice I have ever received on "relationships and love" comes from Rachel, a teenager in 500 Days of Summer. Is it terrible that my best advice came from a movie? I do not think so; it's one of my favorite movies. The advice is as followed:

"Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again"

We humans fail to remember the flaws when in heartbreak. While wallowing with our tub of Ben & Jerry's, we simply see a vision of the perfect guy, who was all ours till WE screwed it up. This is a flawed reality. Both counterparts (Yourself and the scumbag ex) are equally to blame for the fall out of a relationship. From slowly drifting apart, to failing to realize you hurt the others feelings, simple things lead to an end. & from the beginning, even a "perfect" couple has a few days that lack "posies and sunshine".

When I look back on all my ex-relationships with a thorough point of view, I honestly am surprised that I stuck with them as long as I did. My feelings were not necessarily attached to the person themselves, but the moments we shared together. With these people I shared feelings and moments that I had not with other people. The more I looked, the more I found that it was the way things happened that I loved. I fail to actually fall in "love" with anyone because from the beginning moments I create a fairytale. As a writer, it is really all I know how to do. When things get bad, I create visions and stories that balance it out. After I erase the created visions, all I am left with is myself, a guy, and reality. Reality is that none of my past relationships started off well; why would I think they would end well?


 Then, I sit here and think about my ideal man. I drift off to worlds of movies I have seen and celebrities I find attractive. None of these people are reality either. Never once have I completely swooned over a real, tangible person. In the beginning stages, I have experienced what I like to call "fake swooning" ( I honestly don't really call it that, but it works to explain this to you all). I love the chase. The flirting. These people allow for a whole new world of daydreams. Picturing myself and the new guy having a first date that belongs on the silver screen- that's what I do best. But then I get to the part where I get to know the person and -well, they are nothing like what I expect.  I test each one with a different story about myself that is full of my character just to see if they relate. I have yet to find one that does. Normally, I either scare them off or they come back with a poorly worded message (and we all know how much I hate poorly worded messages). I know more than likely I am meeting all the wrong people, but everyone everywhere has flaws, including myself. I really not sure I can ever love someone completely because to me life should be like a movie on the silver screen. "Love" should never be forced; it should just happen.

You know what the worst part is? I am not most upset about the fact that I am not sure I will ever truly be in love. I said "I love You" like I say "hello" or "good lord" to these boys. Honestly,  two out of three, love was non-existent; the other was simply puppy love gone wrong. I am most upset about the fact that I lied.

& as Harry learned in "The Order of the Phoenix", you must'n tell lies.

SimplyShelbySue

P.s. The Tom I am referring to  is played by Joseph Gordon Levitt in 500 Days of Summer (swooning).