If you wanna get with me, you better listen carefully...

Note: this blog does contain the occasional curse word. I guess I was just feeling like a sailor when writing it.

Nothing like a little Spice Girls to spark a new blog...

Relationships are tricky things- they are not just something to rush into. If you think about it, you are adding another person into your life for them to share your thoughts , your worries, your emotions, and  your day to day to happenings; everything in your life will become apart of their life. It is sort of frightening how much of you will become them and how much of them will become you. 

It's like a huge business deal really. 

& you don't want to rush into a business deal. If you rush into a business deal, you could sign away your life and and be stuck with something, for lack of better words, that is just plain shitty. I do not know about you , but I would rather have something of quality versus having something to just have something.

This is coming from a single mindset.

I mean you date and stuff like that, but you haven't found someone that you want to latch onto for a long period of time. And the longer time spent, it seems either your standards get more complicated or you get just a little bit pickier; you are just afraid of settling for something less than extraordinary.

&  If you are like this, you are like me.

You try things out and get a feel for it. If you don't get a good vibe, you don't continue things. Because first, you don't want to break some one's heart; you don't want to lead them on if you just have a gut instinct that you know it just isn't going to go anywhere. Secondly, if you are feeling like they are not really into it, you don't want to get hurt either. It becomes a balancing act of feelings and emotions and eventually you back off because it just doesn't seem worth the trouble. For me there is no reason to pursue someone if there are certain things about them that just don't feel right or frankly annoy the shit out of me already. I mean sometimes you grow to love some one's annoying qualities or habits. But I don't get how if from the very very very beginning, you are annoyed as shit by some of their qualities, how you are never not going to be annoyed by shit by them. You can't grow to love something 100%  if you only initially like it 50% , right?

The dating process is just hell really. 

In my case, I know I am a very annoying person. So not only do I have to worry about finding someone who doesn't annoy the hell out of me, I also have to find someone who doesn't find me annoying as hell and maybe finds my annoyances cute. Maybe they will think it is one of my quirks. "I'm an annoying child sometimes, but hey, it's my quirk. LOVE ME ALREADY DAMMIT".

But, as you are looking and finding people, we all compile these lists. Lists of things that you want to find in your love interest and lists of things you can see yourself with; lists of traits and characteristics that you want in your ideal perfect man or woman. I mean it is kind of sickening that we as society have come to do these things, but we all do it. Each man has their "perfect" woman and every lady has their "perfect" fella. It's something that is inevitable. We all have something that we need.

& I think it's okay to have standards. A basic list- if your list is like 30 things long, you need to be slapped on the head and sent a reality check. Because my dear people, nobody, unless you have a potion, or some practical magic, or a witch as an aunt or a magic wand, is going to find somebody to fit this unrealistic list of standards you have set. I would say a good number of wants is 5 or less. Maybe have one that is absolute, then a ranking of highest priority to least priority. If you find somebody that has all five of these traits, he or she's a keeper. I think lists like these are fine because you have to have your base set of what you initially want from somebody to even know whether they are going to be right. Without that you are just going in blind-sighted, giving people chances left and right - you have no idea in hell. But if you are going off your list  and you aren't having any luck, throw the list away and give whoever a chance. You  might meet the love of your life because you are no longer trying to find someone to fit this picture of perfection you have painted. You might not really know what is best for you. That being said, there is no formula to find love- you just kind of have to go with the flow of every situation to learn what truly works and what just needs to be a definite no.

A typical list for most people is pretty superficial because we as human beings are superficial.

If someone had to pick five, it would probably look something like this:

• -Great [Eyes, Smile, Hair]
• -Insert body type here
• -Insert personality trait here
• -Probably insert another personality trait here
• -Insert profession here

As a single lady in this vast world of potential men that never seems as vast as it really is, I am searching for things other than good looks or certain professions;  they are not necessarily personality or traits or beauty related things. But by having expectations like mine, I am able to find a ton of people who fit into what I imagine as what is compatible for me. The qualities I seek aren't something that isn't necessarily in a list form, which I know SHOCKER, I am not going to write the rest of this blog in list form. It's odd and not like me, but it is what it is.

So deal with it yo.

Forewarning, what you are about to read is just a hodgepodge mess that makes perfect sense to me. If it makes sense to you as you are reading it and you feel like yeah, I totally see this and get what she's saying, you should probably be my best friend because it is completely bat shit rambles. 

Here goes nothing trying to explain what my ideal relationship is....

I don't need somebody to text me 24/7. 

 

That gets kind of annoying. A good night text occasionally can be cute and sweet; if they are a routine thing, they lose meaning and are just kind of stupid honestly. Don't even get me started on good morning texts. Yes, if we are officially dating, it can be a wonderful thing. & by dating, I mean my friends know you and I consider you sort of kind of like my boyfriend. Not, we are texting. Texting is not dating.... but that is a rant of its own. But occasionally still, with a grain of salt, these sort of texts can be sort of okay. Think about it though. You just wake up and immediately have to say good morning to me? You more than likely aren't going to be the first thing on my mind when I wake up.... well maybe, if we are in the first stages of swooning, or if I am missing you because you are my boo. But most of the time? Nope. You won't be the first thing on my mind. When I wake up, I'm thinking I need to brush my teeth, I need a banana, where the hell is my water... If your first instinct when you wake up is to grab your phone and text me "good morning" it is just weird. Like I'm not that great of a person that I know I am definitely not worth of being greater than brushing your teeth or eating breakfast. It's just creepy. It leaves a bad tastes in your mouth sort of thing. you know what i am saying? Of course, I am exaggerating a little bit and I will admit that I have sent a good morning text here or there. I was a juvenile teenager at one point. Talking to you in the morning is not a bad thing. Snapchat me your fantastic breakfast. Text me a knock-knock joke. Starting the day off talking to you is a great thing, but wishing me a good morning? Nope. Just nope.

I look for somebody who I can be comfortable around.

I can go to the bar and have a few too many drinks, be my annoying self while singing along to all the songs [pretend like I know all the words, when you and I both know I don't, but I'll sing my heart out anyways], pull you out to dance and you'll go along with it. Yes, I'm embarrassing. But I know and own up to the fact that I am embarrassing and I just want someone who accepts my embarrassing and thinks yeah, you're pretty "rad and embarrassing". There is something about being in the same room as another person and just feeling completely comfortable. You can split up and go do your own thing, but when you see them across the room you are just genuinely glad they are there. you are glad they are in your presence and you like being around them because they provide this good aura? this might be the right word- it is just they are "pleasing" to be around? You get what I mean. If you are around them, and their friends, you are at complete ease. Even if their friends are sort of annoying or your friends are annoying, you both just equally go for the flow and just have fun. that's the type of person I need to be with. Someone who meshes, deals with whatever friends have tagged along, and has a good time; even if they don't know the song playing or anybody in the bar but you, or didn't even feel like going out, they still have fun. That's just something I think is important.

And then there is this whole distance thing.

Distance is not a problem for me- for me, distance truly does make the heart grow founder because you appreciate the bit of time you  get to spend around them. Distance is especially great in the getting to know them process because you can be a hot mess and still do your thing, without them constantly being around to question why you did something. I think there is something wonderful about being away from each other for two to three weeks, but being able to pick up right where you left off.  Even if we are apart, we are still "interested, "In like", or "in love" with each other. When you have finally found the right person, you should be able to be away from them, still care about them just as much, and be able to trust them- at least this is my viewpoint. I've never been one of those girls that needs to be with a guy every day. I like having my own personal time- from reading to writing, I need some time that is just for me. Don't get me wrong, distance does have its affect on some things...like cuddling for instance. It's nice, but it isn't necessary all the time. Like winter months, yes. summer months, not so much. When it is storming, I would prefer to not be alone- but it is something you can survive. I just want somebody who I genuinely have a good time with and if that means there are some miles between us, that is cool with me.

Another pretty important detail is...

To not only in love with baseball, but particularly Cardinals baseball. I just don't know how I feel about someone who bats for another team. Cardinals have my heart and I just don't know how I feel about dating someone who doesn't appreciate how wonderful they are. I need someone to share in my love of Yadi and yell, Molina, Molina, Molina with me. That being said, I enjoy most baseball games; so if we were to find ourselves in random city and decide to hit up a random game, we could go and have fun; being able to kick back, enjoy the franks, beer, and ice cream, and not worry because we both are enjoying ourselves. I want someone who fits into the atmosphere of a baseball game and is completely in love with it like I am. I just like that. I like everything it entails and I like knowing that the person I'm with likes it. If I dated someone who didn't like baseball, I really don't think we would have a ton to talk about at  the end of the day. Because if you don't like baseball, you don't like America, and I'm not okay with that. Football? Eh, I can handle it. But I'm a good negotiator.  You love the Cardinals and I will learn to love whatever football team you deem wonderful. You can make me their biggest fan, but you can't take my heart away from the Cardinals.

It is signed, sealed, delivered.

Ultimately, accept me. I'm not always the most mature and probably never will be. I'm not always the most outgoing and you might have to pry my book out of my hands to get me to leave the house. I am a weird person and if someone can accept my weird, maybe appreciate it a little bit, then that is great.

I want somebody who is able to go out and get drunk every once awhile.

If you can't have a good time at a bar, it's just like who are you? The bar is like candy land for adults. Shots. Beer galore. I mean I am not saying I want an alcoholic for a soul-mate, but I do require someone who has the occasional drunken, sloppy night.  Why? Because I occasionally have the drunken, sloppy nights. It makes me human. It makes you human. You can't love someone truly until you clean up their puke once or twice; bonus points if you put my hair into a ponytail for me. If you do that, all I am thinking is  "you are wonderful, let's fall in love".

Another example of why I'm weird and why I'm probably going to be single for quite some time.

All in all

You have got to be fine with not being clingy, but don't mind when I occasionally am. Because when I am under the influence, I just like to talk to people, especially people I like because they make me smile. Also you will have to know that I don't really text first unless I am drinking because I'm awkward and I don't know how I feel about starting a conversation out of nowhere on a Wednesday. Do I want to let you know that I am thinking about you while enjoying my coffee on a lunch break? Is that going too far too soon? But if you want to, feel free. I'll chime in, talk away, and won't even think it odd at all.  I will reply when I reply to text messages and don't think about how much time it took me to reply [well I occasionally do. I have that minute of anxiety and then say, eff it. it is just a text message, because really that is all it is].  If you don't mind that I send long freaking texts because I have always struggled with summarizing and provide more details than I should- then we're set. It would be nice if the guy I am swooning for would send more than a few words as a reply, but if he's great in every other aspect, I'll let that slide. And never be afraid to actually pick up the phone and call. Phone calls > text messages any day.

Don't make things weird and don't make things awkward. If we aren't super awkward around each other, that's a big sign.

Right now, I'm going with the flow of things. I'm finding people who I don't normally talk to and going out of my comfort zone. I'm actually trying to initiate conversations or invite a guy I think is cute to the bar because why the hell not? We read far too much into things these days. I'm simply 21, almost 22 and I should be able to go have a few drinks at the bar with a cute guy and not have any expectations.  I'm just now at the age where I could even think about finding that person that is my person. That might be the scariest realization of all, but growing up is scary and totally necessary.

 

 & those are my relationship rambles of today. 

I've been getting a lot of questions about how or why I blog the things I do- what inspires me? Well, today I have been inspired by the fact that I'm chilling in my bed, eating gluten free pizza, with nothing to do. Along with the fact that I am facing the dreaded birthday of turning another year older. I've also read probably a few too many thought catalog posts on why you are still single because they are like crack and I can't stop. Then also, there is the world around me. The dates that I have no idea whether they were actually a date or not. The guys who I'm not sure whether I should reply to or not. The creepy Tinder messages asking me to be their Tinderellla. I write based off life and the millions of things happening.

Last thought tips. If you are into a girl or guy at all, give them a chance. It never hurts to try because sometimes people will surprise you. If someone texts you, there is a good chance they are interested. Guys, if a girl texts you and you don't reply, this leads them to wondering what they did wrong- so just shoot em a text like, it was fun, but I don't think we'd work out in the long run. Sure, it's sort of painful, but at least she is not left wondering. Same with girls. If you aren't into a guy, tell him. Guys and girls are a lot more alike than we all think. Most importantly, just do your thing. Don't worry about living a life to find a suitable mate. Live a life that suits you and everything you love to do. For me, my life consists of a daily struggle of trying to get back in shape, learning to love my veggies, and watching way more television than a person should- I didn't choose this lifestyle to score me a man, I chose it because it's what right for me, myself, and I.

I'm Simply Single Shelby Sue

P.s. Does anybody else every equally stress about how the first kiss goes? Especially if you really like that guy? If it goes swimmingly, things are fine, but if it goes bad, that is a whole different story. If you really like this guy, you have to put up with awful kissing and decide whether they are really worth it. Just think, you could be stuck with a bad kisser the rest of your life if they aren't trainable. Scary thoughts yo.