The internet is quick to bash men on their dating habits in this century.
Blogging sites publish articles daily pointing the finger to men for being the ones to blame for everything that is wrong with dating, but women play an equal part; men are the scapegoats. I personally have pointed out flaws in today's dating realm, but I think it is time to acknowledge that not all men in this century are jackasses. A lot of women tend to idolize relationships to an impractical state of mind. I think we can all partly blame the amount of fairy tales we read and watched as young girls.
This unrealistic expectation sometimes leads to women wanting more from men. It also leads to some men trying to create this reality and failing quite miserably. Just because Prince Charming thought Cinderella was beautiful does not mean that you should introduce yourself with "Hi. You're beautiful" or "text me sometime [insert word of choice here: like babe, cutie, sexy, sweet thang, princess (barf)].
While you might make some ladies swoon, I think you need a reality check. Not only did you just make me feel super awkward, you also made me feel like you are only talking to me based off my appearance; that has no appeal to me. Intelligence and wit should be more appealing to you than my recent profile picture change; do certain guys not realize that no one looks as good as they do in their profile picture? It is all about the filters and lighting. Bloody hell- I am only a few sentences in and I have already gone off subject. But you are my readers and for some reason you enjoy my rambles. So before I get too distracted by side issues, the main thing at hand is that there is a sub-category of men out there that get grouped in with all these creepers; men who deserve a shout out.
This is for the men who treat women as they should be treated- remember the golden rule drilled into as kids? In this instance I mean these are the men that treat women like normal human beings because these men are.... [wait for it]....
NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS.
Thank you for not blowing up our phones 24/7. You will continue on a conversation when you want to, which is how it should be. You do not feel the need to be glued to your phone at all times of the day. You do not necessarily hate the idea of texting in general; you just do not make it a priority. A lesson that should be learnt by a majority of today's society. Real life comes first. Textual relationships should always be on the back burner... unless something super important is happening in your best friends lives. That situation requires you to text like the wind bullseye. I only kept in this side rant because I really wanted to use a Toy Story gif because occasionally I am the equivalent of a five year old. Back on track...
Men like you snap us out of the disillusion world. You empower us women to be independent. You do not let us be needy and you do not let us be suffocating. You give us our own space, which we in return reciprocate.
You do you and let us do us- with the occasional mixing in between.
Never pressuring us into relationships, nor forcing yourselves upon us. You are genuinely a good person. While some may find your disregard for consistency as a flaw, I see it as a quality character trait. You do not force us into a routine or follow any rules; you live life and let things fall into place.
To tell if the guy is a normal guy or actually a douche bag just ignoring you, I have developed a little test. Picture a normal day; picture something extremely terribly happening. If you would text or call a normal guy, even if they do not pick up right away, they will contact you the second they get your message. Even if they are not into you, they will be there for you because normal guys do not lack sympathy. A douche bag will simply ignore it or send you some incredibly generic message; "Sorry." or a personal favorite, "That Sucks."
You are the guy we need when we have had a bad day, but do not necessarily want to talk about it. We can simply Snapchat you like everything is fine and you will typically put us in a better mood. You do not necessarily know our problems; we do not feel you need to know our problems because they are OUR problems, not yours. You are the guy that is around at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night when we feel the need to spill our hearts out or make drunken comments; by the time the morning rolls around, we never feel shame. Sure we will send the "sorry bout that" text message, but in reality we don't care. Because in reality you are the type of guy that will laugh it off or not judge us. If you judge us, then that is fine. I judge people all the time. It does not necessarily mean you are an asshole; it just means you can point out the occasional flaw or appreciate it. At least that is what I tell myself to sleep well at night.
If you think you have a normal guy in your life, they are chill and never try to rush life and reality. They aspire to do things and have wants and wishes, but they do not try to force life in a certain direction. They take the lemons given to them and make whatever lemonade they feel like. They know themselves and thus make you wish to know yourself better.
Finding a normal guy is actually quite the task.
When you find one, hopefully you do not scare them away because they generally make your life better. A normal guy is not necessarily a romantic relationship either. Normal guys are the type of guys you generally want in your life no matter what; they can easily be just your friend as they could be a potential relationship. Whether it be the occasional text, snap, or conversation via social media, their simple presence, even if only occasional, makes your life content. The relationship you develop with them, no matter what it may be, balances out your life with all the not so normal guys.
A normal guy will never be one to stalk your social media accounts. They will not try to pry personal details about you. A normal guy will throw the occasional compliment, but they are not going to shower you every day about how beautiful you are; they realize how weird that is and how awkward it would be if the roles were reversed. I reiterate that a normal guy will not blow your phone up with text messages on a daily basis. It is not necessarily a bad thing to text someone continuously, but conversations like that should never feel forced. A normal guy will also understand if you do not text back immediately or text back immediately; they do not read too much into a text message. A normal guy has a life outside of you and is not looking for someone to complete his life. A normal guy wants you to be apart of his life because you make it better in some regard, versus you being his missing piece.
Another side rant: None of us are missing pieces. We use this cliche a lot and recently I discovered how much I truly despise it. You are your own puzzle and you must complete you all on your own. Do not be looking for someone else to be the last puzzle piece. If a guy told me I was his missing puzzle piece, I would simply reply, "gag me with a spoon." Now if the guy actually knew the song I was referencing with my reply, he might be worth a second glance.
Back to the blog at hand...
To all the perfectly normal guys, while what we are, were, or might be is always in question, it is comforting to not care or need to know. The fact that you make us comfortable enough to ultimately be ourselves and not care whether you judge us or not is ultimately what makes you a gift from god.
You normal men are a rarity.
It is easy to point fingers at all the men in the world that fail at dating. While some women might disagree and believe the type of guy I call normal is failing at dating, I think they need a round of applause. They are not trying to put on a facade and not trying to be someone they are not. Their outlook on life is making you do the same and turning you into one badass alpha female. What is bad about that?
After all this raving about this perfectly normal guy, I guarantee at least someone is questioning why should we not pursue a relationship with this perfectly normal guy? I answer that with this.
Why should we chase?
Life and love is not some race or game. It happens when it happens. There is no need to force or rush things. Sure it would be nice if things would move along at a reasonable pace, but this perfectly normal guy might also be perfectly normal for another girl. And that is perfectly okay. That is a reality that we all face at least some point in our lives; there is no need to be mad at him for his feelings because feelings cannot be helped. This is the guy, who no matter what, treated us the way we needed to be treated at the time we met him in life. This is the guy who you might claim is the one that got away, but he got away because he was never meant to be the guy you stayed with.
Some of us need the perfectly normal guy forever. Some of us need the perfectly imperfect guy. We will never know who we end up with because in the end, when love happens, it should seem imperfectly perfect to you and your man.
So to all the normal guys out there that I have had a pleasure of knowing, thank you for making me feel more confident everyday. Thank you for forcing myself to realize the crazy reality of modern dating. Most importantly, thank you for not treating me like an item, but rather a human being. Thank you for forcing me to grow up and out of my shell. Again, thank you for making me not care because not caring at times is the best thing a person can do.
Men like you make me sane because men like you at the end of the day, truly are not complicated.
And we all know, I loathe complications.
& with that sanity, I am...
Simply Thankful Shelby Sue
P.s. It has been a long time. I realize this. Sorry I kind of suck, but I promise to sort of make it up to everybody in some way or somehow; more than likely in kickass blogs that hopefully will be coming your way as long as life does not interfere.
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Words of encouragement are always welcome!