I'm back, though I never really left.

I'm trying to make myself write again.

& yes, you read that right "try". 

Such a pathetic word when all you've wanted to be your entire life was a writer. All you want to be is a writer and you are forcing yourself to write. How does one get here? I would tell you, but honestly I don't know. One day, I just woke up and lost ambition. Not only for writing, but for a lot of things really. It is all more than likely a result of my life sort of falling apart, which is another thing that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Writers supposedly thrive off depressing matters and here I am at such a depressing time in my life and to write this is a chore. A year ago, I thought I was finally piecing my life together and a year later, it's sort of like my puzzle got wet. You know what I mean? When you spill koolaid on your new puzzle and the pieces just never quite fit together and the picture is warped, so putting it back together takes much longer and is a struggle. 

I can't believe I just compared my life to a kool-aid stained puzzle.

But I did, and I'm not going to erase it because the imagery works good enough for you to understand what I mean. My puzzle just doesn't want to go back together quite yet. I thought I was ready to tackle life and achieve great things; life on the other hand thought I was ready for another loop-d-loop.   So here are three quick updates on my life for those who don't know, which I'm not sure a lot of people know.

• I am currently a college drop-out.
• Though, I do at least have my Associate's degree.
• Yes I am looking at other colleges.
• Preferably online.
• I just don't know where.
• And these personal statements might make me never send in my applications.
• I still don't know what's wrong with me.
• Yes, I still feel crappy 90% of the time.
• Yes, I'm still trying to figure it all out.
• But, hey, we'll figure it out eventually right?
• I'm getting healthy (betcha didn't see that one coming).
• I have lost around 25 pounds.
• I am not anywhere near my goal.
• I legitimately like vegetables. 

Those are just a few of the loop-d-loops in my life that I don't mind sharing. These things have made me question my ability to do most everything. 

& that's essentially why I stopped sharing my writings. I questioned my ability. I questioned the quality. I questioned everything about every single piece I finished that I didn't want to share them. In a day and age where everyone is a writer, I felt like I was just another person who could write so-so; I didn't want people thinking I was doing it for the attention [like a few people have said]. I write because I love it. I write because it allows me to become another person or share the thoughts that swirl around in my head. Being a vivid daydreamer and overthinker, I think my brain would explode if I didn't write.

So today...out of nowhere... I decided maybe sharing my writings wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe writing for the general public isn't so bad. Maybe it will help me through this weird time in life. And maybe, my words can help somebody else out.

I did originally intend for my semester off to be time off to work on my novel. & my novel is only about seven chapters and lacks any depth whatsoever. I do have about 50 blogs I have written though and not published. So while it is in the works, I might as well put some effort back into this blog and share the thoughts I have had over the last few months.

So while this blog has been on and off again since it has started, I guess it is time for it to be on again. Maybe I'll find some consistency and maybe I'll receive feedback that can help me find my direction in life... so if you have the map of my life plan, feel free to send it my way. 

Until then, I'm a little bit lost, a 50/50 of healthy and unhealthy, and now a bit more sharing...

I'm Simply Shelby Sue

P.s. Start taking bets on how many blogs it takes for me to lose consistency.