I am not a trend.

*Disclaimer: my apologies now if this offends anybody. It's not a personal attack towards anyone; it's simply me stating things from my point of view. Take my words with a grain of salt and you do you.

Do you know how frustrating it is when you mention your allergy and have it followed by “oh, you're one of those people?”

No. I am not. 

I am not on the bandwagon because I think it is “hip” or “cool” or “I really want to lose 3 pounds”.

I am gluten-free because I have to be. 

It is forced upon by my body because my body decided it is allergic to wheat, barley, and rye. Sorry if it is inconveniencing you because for some reason being "gluten-free" really pisses people off. I think it stems from the fact that everyone and their dog think they need to be gluten-free. Recently people decided being gluten-free was cool and that they could give their life some significance by forcing themselves to not eat gluten. You know what I have to say to those people?

Screw you.

Screw you for making this disease seem cool. Screw you for making restaurants hate people for being gluten-free. Screw you for making it seem like it is so much fun. Screw you for making it seem like it is a way to lose weight. Screw you for making it seem so easy.

BECAUSE IT IS NOT EASY.

Sure, being gluten-free would be easy if you didn't have to worry about getting gluten in your food and having a reaction because of it. Sure, it would be easy if I could occasionally have pasta or that piece of cake because I'm just doing this as a “diet”. I would love to cheat and eat a whole can of Chef Boyardee.  It would be so nice to go to dinner and not have to worry about what exactly is in things because if I go a little off track, it's not a big deal.

See, it is a big deal. A very big deal. 

For the first two years of my diagnosis, I did not treat it like a big deal. I was surrounded by people who made me feel like I was being a pain in the butt and minimizing my disease to just being a part of this fad. Due to peer pressure, I simply decided it was not that important to put my health first. In reality, all I was doing was destroying my bodies immune system a little more. The more I somewhat ate gluten, the worst I felt, the more pregnant I looked, the more time I spent in the bathroom, and the more sick I was. None of those things are fun.

After a serious wake-up call, I realized what I was doing; it wasn't until then that I realized how much people who go gluten-free for the hell of it piss me off. The worst kind are the ones that never eat that way, but when they are in public they make a huge deal about it. “Oh, I can't eat anything here.” And my favorite part is when I can correct them and say “actually, there is. It's called vegetables. Learn to love them if you are eating this way”.

And you know what it's like when you are a celiac and you get “gluttened”?

It is a lot like what I imagine hell is like

Symptoms that can last days. Brain fog. Spending more than half your day in the bathroom. Your belly resembles someone who is three months pregnant. Rashes. Hot flashes. Feeling like you are about to die. Immune system crashing. Never wanting to leave bed. Feeling like you have been ran over by a car three times in a row. To top it off, more than likely you will be hit with a wave of depression.

Does this sound like fun?

In my most recent "gluttening", I almost walked into a door because my depth perception was off. If you think walking into doors in fun, then I guess you really would love being a celiac. 

 

& to those of you who think it's fun to pretend to be “gluten-free” and conveniently only eat that way when you are around me.

SCREW YOU TIMES INFINITY.

 

Don't send me snapchats saying “gluten-free”. Don't make tweets or status updates about gluten-free. Don't say anything about “us” being gluten-free because it isn't “us”. I am gluten-free because I have an allergy; you are gluten-free for attention. And while attention is a disease, I don't want it associated with my disease because those of us who actually are gluten-free for health reasons would rather the attention be drawn away. 

I would love to be able to go to a restaurant and be normal. I wish I wouldn't have to bug my waiter or waitress for an allergen menu. I wish I wouldn't have to have anxiety worrying about what if I have reaction. I wish I could go through a fast-food drive-thru and order anything I wanted. And I really wish I could indulge in my drunk cravings and eat all the Taco Bell my little heart desires.

& I know people are going to take this rant as someone being a whiny baby, but I am just mad. I am mad at the world for pretending like they understand. I am mad at restaurants for claiming to be gluten-free when they aren't And I'm mad that people get mad at me getting mad and angry at them for the way they treat this "gluten-free" lifestyle as such a cool thing. If you had to live this lifestyle for the rest of your life [well unless science makes a miraculous cure] , you would be angry too.

Imagine a life without deep dish pizza, ball park franks, caramels, pancakes, french toast, donuts, soups, a cheeseburger, sub sandwiches, chicken nuggets, Chinese food , croutons, bread, and anything with wheat in it.

Sure, you could make a gluten-free alternative at home, but there is no comparison.

For now I'm just an angry twenty-something who is pissed off at anything and everyone dealing with being gluten-free because people truly don't understand how hard this lifestyle can be sometimes.  Appreciate the ease of grocery shopping. Appreciate not knowing how to read labels. Appreciate microwavable meals; more importantly, appreciate frozen microwavable meals that don't cost $5.00 each. Actually, appreciate food that is not ridiculously high priced in general. 

Appreciate the convenience of not having an allergy. 

Live life and eat all the chalupas you can, for those of us that can't.

& now I'm hungry.

So very very hungry.

I'm Simply Wheatless Shelby Sue

P.s. Excuse me while I stuff my face with gluten-free pretzels.

I'm back, though I never really left.

I'm trying to make myself write again.

& yes, you read that right "try". 

Such a pathetic word when all you've wanted to be your entire life was a writer. All you want to be is a writer and you are forcing yourself to write. How does one get here? I would tell you, but honestly I don't know. One day, I just woke up and lost ambition. Not only for writing, but for a lot of things really. It is all more than likely a result of my life sort of falling apart, which is another thing that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Writers supposedly thrive off depressing matters and here I am at such a depressing time in my life and to write this is a chore. A year ago, I thought I was finally piecing my life together and a year later, it's sort of like my puzzle got wet. You know what I mean? When you spill koolaid on your new puzzle and the pieces just never quite fit together and the picture is warped, so putting it back together takes much longer and is a struggle. 

I can't believe I just compared my life to a kool-aid stained puzzle.

But I did, and I'm not going to erase it because the imagery works good enough for you to understand what I mean. My puzzle just doesn't want to go back together quite yet. I thought I was ready to tackle life and achieve great things; life on the other hand thought I was ready for another loop-d-loop.   So here are three quick updates on my life for those who don't know, which I'm not sure a lot of people know.

• I am currently a college drop-out.
• Though, I do at least have my Associate's degree.
• Yes I am looking at other colleges.
• Preferably online.
• I just don't know where.
• And these personal statements might make me never send in my applications.
• I still don't know what's wrong with me.
• Yes, I still feel crappy 90% of the time.
• Yes, I'm still trying to figure it all out.
• But, hey, we'll figure it out eventually right?
• I'm getting healthy (betcha didn't see that one coming).
• I have lost around 25 pounds.
• I am not anywhere near my goal.
• I legitimately like vegetables. 

Those are just a few of the loop-d-loops in my life that I don't mind sharing. These things have made me question my ability to do most everything. 

& that's essentially why I stopped sharing my writings. I questioned my ability. I questioned the quality. I questioned everything about every single piece I finished that I didn't want to share them. In a day and age where everyone is a writer, I felt like I was just another person who could write so-so; I didn't want people thinking I was doing it for the attention [like a few people have said]. I write because I love it. I write because it allows me to become another person or share the thoughts that swirl around in my head. Being a vivid daydreamer and overthinker, I think my brain would explode if I didn't write.

So today...out of nowhere... I decided maybe sharing my writings wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe writing for the general public isn't so bad. Maybe it will help me through this weird time in life. And maybe, my words can help somebody else out.

I did originally intend for my semester off to be time off to work on my novel. & my novel is only about seven chapters and lacks any depth whatsoever. I do have about 50 blogs I have written though and not published. So while it is in the works, I might as well put some effort back into this blog and share the thoughts I have had over the last few months.

So while this blog has been on and off again since it has started, I guess it is time for it to be on again. Maybe I'll find some consistency and maybe I'll receive feedback that can help me find my direction in life... so if you have the map of my life plan, feel free to send it my way. 

Until then, I'm a little bit lost, a 50/50 of healthy and unhealthy, and now a bit more sharing...

I'm Simply Shelby Sue

P.s. Start taking bets on how many blogs it takes for me to lose consistency.