Me No Comprehendo

Some days I just wish I was Jimmy Neutron, so things all made sense because quite often I find myself in a quarrel of not understanding something. It has been this way since I was young. I was one of those kids that would ask 50 bajillion questions until you told me to shut up. It has gotten to the point to where I just bundle all my not-understanding frustration up inside... that is until now.

I tend to not understand things like...

• Why don't single slices of cakes & pies sold in bakeries automatically come with spoons?
• Why is there not a mall in K-vegas yet?
• Why aren't Jennifer Lawrence & Rebel Wilson my best friends?
• Why am I not dating Josh Hutcherson?
• Better yet, why am I not dating Dylan O Brien?
• Why am I not famous?
• But really why?
• Why do Professors purposely try to make your life miserable?
• Why do people no understand the purpose of a breath mint?
• Since when is being a teen and pregnant cool?
• Why are people so rude to their servers at restaurants?
• Why do cheeseburgers not make you skinny yet? 
• Why are classrooms either unbearably hot or unbearably cold?
• How did people never learn to sneeze into their elbow, not all over their hands?
• Why does college not allow you to be exempt from a foreign language when you can barely speak English?
• Why did they give Snooki & J-Wow a Spinoff [people only liked Vinny]?
• How do the writers of Pretty Little Liars keep the story line straight?
• Do the writers even know who A is?
• Why does college not except your own form of Jibberish as a foreign language?
• Why don't they serve single servings of pie filling?
• Why have they not created a fast food Chinese restaurant yet?
• Why do they have a Teen Mom 3, yet my best friend and & I do not have our own show?
• Why are Cartoons not as good as they were in the 90's?
• Why must movies continuously use the same plot?
• Why was I not a prodigy of Abby Lee Miller & her dance studio?

But lately the number one thing at the tippity top of my list that I do not understand is....

The Bachelor

Is it written somewhere in girl code that if you do not like this show you are shunned? This show is like a really bad STD STI that will not go away. One might say that if you do not like The Bachelor, you need to re-think your life; I like living my live practicing safe television- get it? Another might say what is there to not love about a show with the main objective of finding someone true love? Well, if that truly was  the case, I might like it (might). It simply is not. It is about a guy, dating multiple woman at one time, hoping one of them turns out to be "fiance" material, then after the show ends he can leave her behind to go through another slew of woman. The only reason this show could be enjoyable is if you are watching, in turn to make fun of it or if it is paired with a drinking game [and hopefully by the end you would not remember watching the monstrosity].

These are the top things I do no understand about the Bachelor:

• The Roses: Roses are supposed to be a symbol of romance, especially when in the color red. How is it romantical that I got the same rose that you gave to 10 other girls that you also are "romantically" involved with? If I was on the bachelor, I would suggest they hand out tubs of Ben & Jerry's. After each rose ceremony, you can go up to your bed and indulge over the fact that you beat a few more woman and still are not quite good enough to be number one quite yet. Except, the producers would never go for that because to be on the Bachelor one must not be average built- which brings me to my next topic.

• The Dates: The woman on the Bachelor are reasons woman nation wide are suffering from a "skinny complex". This show is feeding into this idiotic society belief that all woman must strive to look like "Barbie". Barbie is proportionally impossible and no one can truly turn themselves to plastic, as hard as they try. The women on this show have probably never had a cookie in their lives. Do I want to be skinny? Sure. Do I want to give up never eating cookies again? No. I would prefer to look like cookie monster, perfectly happy with life, than counting calories to my death bed. It is not just the problem that they pick these type of women, yet the show labels them as "normal girls". This in turn makes men think they deserve a normal girl like that. THEY ARE NOT NORMAL. If this show wanted to win my viewing, they would have to cast everyday woman. Some everyday woman are skinny, but most are average. Most know what cellulite is and most do not look like a runway model in a bikini. 

 

• The Woman's Mindset: I am a single lady and even when being single sucks, I would never want to put myself through the torture of going head to head with 24 other single ladies. The whole concept is hell. I do not understand why anyone in their right mind would agree to date a guy and in turn date so many other woman. Swapping spit is hygienically unsound enough, without adding the saliva of many more mouths in. Ew- that's dirty. Honestly, girls. Is it worth the slight chance or 15 minutes of fame to sell yourself short like that? Being as most of these woman are not average looking in the slightest way possible, they should have no problem walking down the street and getting a date. If the show actually had real woman, I might understand why they resorted to going on television in the hopes of finding someone to love them.

• The appeal of the Bachelor, himself: Sure, he normally is incredibly good looking [in most girls opinions]. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in this case I do not mind. HE IS NOT REAL. Pick a guy that is like the average man for goodness sake. I know I fantasize and fan girl more than the average person, but I fan girl over people who have made it big off of talent and hard work. This guy literally applied to  be a show that allows him to hook up with multiple girls at one time. Any guy that would agree to this is a tool. I personally would rather not meet my future spouse on reality television, while I watched him get with girls then send them home one by one. This shows slogan should be "The Final One Night Stand".

So I might have just lost half of my blog viewing by disagreeing with girl code, but I just had to spill my guts and be honest. That is what makes me...

Simply Shelby Sue

P.s. Have a great idea that you think would make an excellent blog? Leave the idea in the comments section below and I will try my best to achieve a blog worthy of your excellent thoughts.