Me No Comprehendo

Some days I just wish I was Jimmy Neutron, so things all made sense because quite often I find myself in a quarrel of not understanding something. It has been this way since I was young. I was one of those kids that would ask 50 bajillion questions until you told me to shut up. It has gotten to the point to where I just bundle all my not-understanding frustration up inside... that is until now.

I tend to not understand things like...

• Why don't single slices of cakes & pies sold in bakeries automatically come with spoons?
• Why is there not a mall in K-vegas yet?
• Why aren't Jennifer Lawrence & Rebel Wilson my best friends?
• Why am I not dating Josh Hutcherson?
• Better yet, why am I not dating Dylan O Brien?
• Why am I not famous?
• But really why?
• Why do Professors purposely try to make your life miserable?
• Why do people no understand the purpose of a breath mint?
• Since when is being a teen and pregnant cool?
• Why are people so rude to their servers at restaurants?
• Why do cheeseburgers not make you skinny yet? 
• Why are classrooms either unbearably hot or unbearably cold?
• How did people never learn to sneeze into their elbow, not all over their hands?
• Why does college not allow you to be exempt from a foreign language when you can barely speak English?
• Why did they give Snooki & J-Wow a Spinoff [people only liked Vinny]?
• How do the writers of Pretty Little Liars keep the story line straight?
• Do the writers even know who A is?
• Why does college not except your own form of Jibberish as a foreign language?
• Why don't they serve single servings of pie filling?
• Why have they not created a fast food Chinese restaurant yet?
• Why do they have a Teen Mom 3, yet my best friend and & I do not have our own show?
• Why are Cartoons not as good as they were in the 90's?
• Why must movies continuously use the same plot?
• Why was I not a prodigy of Abby Lee Miller & her dance studio?

But lately the number one thing at the tippity top of my list that I do not understand is....

The Bachelor

Is it written somewhere in girl code that if you do not like this show you are shunned? This show is like a really bad STD STI that will not go away. One might say that if you do not like The Bachelor, you need to re-think your life; I like living my live practicing safe television- get it? Another might say what is there to not love about a show with the main objective of finding someone true love? Well, if that truly was  the case, I might like it (might). It simply is not. It is about a guy, dating multiple woman at one time, hoping one of them turns out to be "fiance" material, then after the show ends he can leave her behind to go through another slew of woman. The only reason this show could be enjoyable is if you are watching, in turn to make fun of it or if it is paired with a drinking game [and hopefully by the end you would not remember watching the monstrosity].

These are the top things I do no understand about the Bachelor:

• The Roses: Roses are supposed to be a symbol of romance, especially when in the color red. How is it romantical that I got the same rose that you gave to 10 other girls that you also are "romantically" involved with? If I was on the bachelor, I would suggest they hand out tubs of Ben & Jerry's. After each rose ceremony, you can go up to your bed and indulge over the fact that you beat a few more woman and still are not quite good enough to be number one quite yet. Except, the producers would never go for that because to be on the Bachelor one must not be average built- which brings me to my next topic.

• The Dates: The woman on the Bachelor are reasons woman nation wide are suffering from a "skinny complex". This show is feeding into this idiotic society belief that all woman must strive to look like "Barbie". Barbie is proportionally impossible and no one can truly turn themselves to plastic, as hard as they try. The women on this show have probably never had a cookie in their lives. Do I want to be skinny? Sure. Do I want to give up never eating cookies again? No. I would prefer to look like cookie monster, perfectly happy with life, than counting calories to my death bed. It is not just the problem that they pick these type of women, yet the show labels them as "normal girls". This in turn makes men think they deserve a normal girl like that. THEY ARE NOT NORMAL. If this show wanted to win my viewing, they would have to cast everyday woman. Some everyday woman are skinny, but most are average. Most know what cellulite is and most do not look like a runway model in a bikini. 

 

• The Woman's Mindset: I am a single lady and even when being single sucks, I would never want to put myself through the torture of going head to head with 24 other single ladies. The whole concept is hell. I do not understand why anyone in their right mind would agree to date a guy and in turn date so many other woman. Swapping spit is hygienically unsound enough, without adding the saliva of many more mouths in. Ew- that's dirty. Honestly, girls. Is it worth the slight chance or 15 minutes of fame to sell yourself short like that? Being as most of these woman are not average looking in the slightest way possible, they should have no problem walking down the street and getting a date. If the show actually had real woman, I might understand why they resorted to going on television in the hopes of finding someone to love them.

• The appeal of the Bachelor, himself: Sure, he normally is incredibly good looking [in most girls opinions]. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in this case I do not mind. HE IS NOT REAL. Pick a guy that is like the average man for goodness sake. I know I fantasize and fan girl more than the average person, but I fan girl over people who have made it big off of talent and hard work. This guy literally applied to  be a show that allows him to hook up with multiple girls at one time. Any guy that would agree to this is a tool. I personally would rather not meet my future spouse on reality television, while I watched him get with girls then send them home one by one. This shows slogan should be "The Final One Night Stand".

So I might have just lost half of my blog viewing by disagreeing with girl code, but I just had to spill my guts and be honest. That is what makes me...

Simply Shelby Sue

P.s. Have a great idea that you think would make an excellent blog? Leave the idea in the comments section below and I will try my best to achieve a blog worthy of your excellent thoughts.

....I got my Ticket for the long way round

I sometimes tend to occasionally obsess over things....

• New Music (Well not new, but new in my playlists)
• The Bonfire Band: I recommended checking out "Just the Way You Are" & "The Light of You".
•  Melodica, Melody & Me: "Piece Me Back Together" is a lovely little tune to which most lads and lasses can relate.
• The Shins: "Simple Song" is beautiful; I believe the lead singer wrote it about his wife. When you listen with that in mind, you can feel all his emotions, which is a lovely listening experience.
• Tweeting My Thoughts:
• I feel like everyone should know my thoughts and feelings. & for this reason, I have been obsessing with Tweeter since 2007. 
• I just reached my 5,000th Tweet during my live tweeting of the People's Choice Awards. It was the following:  "Josh Hutcherson #swoooooooooon #peopleschoice"
• Hairstyles: 

•  Blonde Blonde Blonde- I recently have this obsession with dying my hair blonde. Not that it will look good by any means, but I just really want to do it. I really do not know why. I have dyed it blond before and those who know me personally, know it was an awful experience. Know what? Since I am feeling nice, I will show you how bad it was. Here is the story: I wanted bangs. I also wanted to be blonde. I go to the salon and tell them that I want blonde hair and bangs. This happened >>> That is right. I was given Hannah Montana Wig-Like hair, but it was not a wig at all. & now I am forever reminded of the last time I went blonde. People cannot imagine anything else because they think back to this. 
• Making Weird Faces When Taking Pictures
• I am not sure whether this is more of a habit than obsession, but I figured it still worthy of my list. I really like not being normal. In most pictures, you will find me making the most hideous face I possibly could. It is just how I roll.
• Flannel
• Enough said.
• Criminal Minds (read the following as fast as you can)
• I LOVE CRIME SCENE SHOWS, but especially this one. Matthew Gubler and his nerd talk make the show wonderful. PLUS HIS MOM IS PLAYED BY JANE LYNCH. I also really like how each member of the team is an individual- the old episodes are by far the best. I don't really like the new lady who replaced Prentis; she is kind of a terrible actress and extremely dry, with no depth. & Hodge still has it going on for an old man. ..... done obsessing, for now.
• Candy
• Did you know Starbursts makes boxes of "All Red" around Christmastime- yes, yes they do. & it is utterly fantastic and wonderful and I never will share my Starbursts again because I love all the flavors.

If you are not apart of my Twitter Universe, you obviously have no idea of my most recent obsession.

Pitch Perfect

I obsess over movies quite a lot. The Hunger Games. Twilight. Harry Potter. 500 Days of Summer. Batman. Waynes World. Elf. Disney Films in General. I just really like the world of film. and this film is my new favorite. My best frand & I rented it Christmas night to watch as we stuffed our faces in celebration of Jesus and Santa Claus. & since said time, I have watched it over 20 times. As you all should know by now, I have issues. This movie just makes you smile, giggle, it wrenches your heart, and then makes you smile once more. Plus did I mention it has Rebel Wilson in it? Obviously it wins.

Here is why the creators of Pitch Perfect got it right & created a triple threat:

They Scored it Perfectly

•  The Musical Selections were right on target (in my opinion).

 

• "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus - Being a Chick Flick, it needs some girly, over-played, but equally wonderful anthem. While a Britney song would have done wonders, Miley worked out quite well in my book. No one wants to admit they know every word to a song like this, but in all reality we know it like the Pledge of Allegiance.

 

• "Cups (You're Gonna Miss Me) by Lulu & The Lampshades: This song was already in knowledge of music before, but this film made it known to others who lack a weird musical background. With Anna Kendrick being her badass self, this song paired well with the image she was portraying and Kendrick's voice. Mixing the two created a work of art for her audition to the Bellas. 

 

• "I Saw the Sign" by Ace of Base: Remember that time when Stephanie Tanner, some unknown girl, Gia, and Kimmy Gibbler formed a band to play at Uncle Jesse's Club on Full House? It forever made me love this song. What was that bands name again? Girl Talk? 

 

• "Bright Lights Bigger City/Magic" Mashup: Performed by the Trebles, this is already a fantastic number. The reason this song is fantastic though is because Benji finally gets to perform. & the fact that he sings "Magic" is punny because he is magician. Duh. Plus, the number also features Jesse & Donald, who are two swoon-worthy fellas. 

 

• The Rift Off, "Songs about Sex": This is personally my favorite part of the movie because I found it incredibly clever. The groups compete at an abandoned pool, by singing songs relevant to a chosen category; they can steal from the other groups, if they join in on a correct word. If this really happens anywhere, I want to witness it. When the category "Songs about Sex" is chosen, fireworks are created. A mix of S&M, Let's talk about sex, I"ll make love to you, It feels like the first time, & No Diggity. All various genres, but blend together quite wonderfully. Plus, Anna Kendrick again displays how she is weird by joining in with No Diggity. When a movie shows a female rapping, it makes me happy because I caucasianally like to rap. 

They depicted College life (somewhat) Perfectly

• Weird College Roommate Scenario (Benji & Jesse)
• They have red cups at parties.
• Creepy College Roommate that Doesn't Speak to You (Becca & Asian Girl)
• They also play off the Asian Stereotype.
• Always with other Asians.
• Always playing weird technology
• Frat Guys Rating Incoming Freshmen
• When Becca is walking to her dorm, you see a quick glimpse of this. This legitimately happens.
• The male acapella group thinking they are everything the world revovles around.
• For some reason when a group of guys who can all sing get together, they think they rule the college campus.
• They really do not though.
• #RealityCheck
• Weird Initiation Ceremonies. 
•  Boone's Farm is mentioned.

Where They Failed:

• Dorm rooms do not look like that- like ever.

They Created Unique Characters & Cast Them Perfectly:

• Men Department
•  Bumper
• Played by Adam Devine.
• Commonly known by his role of Adam in Workaholics.
• He has the right amount of ignorance and comedic quailities.
• He is obviously adorable.
• Jesse: 
• The creators of Pitch Perfect have created my ideal man. 
• He has brown eyes- beautiful brown eyes.
• He is obviously in shape, but isn't all gym obsessed.
• He can sing and his voice will melt you into goo.
• He is played by Skylar Astin, who is in appropriate age range to fan girl.
• Skylar Astin was in Spring Awakening on Broadway (swoon).
• He brings Becca (Anna Kendrick's character) a juice box.
• He loves movies, especially the Breakfast Club.
• He accepts his weird roommate, that likes magic and star wars.
• He wants to score movies (he actually pays attention to the music in films).
• Downside:
• He is just a fictional character.
• Benji
• Precious.
• Played by Benn Platt.
• This is his only film.
• He is the typical weird roommate.
• He has a fantastic voice.
• He likes Star Wars.
• He also likes Magic.
• He gets the Bellas into the finals.
• Donald
• Glasses.
• He raps and beat-boxes.
• He is played by Utkarsh Ambudkar.
• He is almost 30 years old, which is kind of creepy.
• He has a various background of smaller roles in films.
• Did I mention the glasses?    
• Woman Department
• Becca
• At the beginning of the film, she is one of those girls that hates the world. She does not want to be college and she wants to be finding her dreams.
• She finds her way to the Bellas and realizes that college might not actually be a bad thing.
• She creates kick-ass mix tapes.
• She mixes old music, with new, creating a new twist on things.
• She is played by Anna Kendrick.
• Known for her role as Jessica in Twilight,  Natalie in Up in the Air, Katherine in 50/50, & a lot of other roles.
• She revamps the Bellas & gets the cute guy.
• She wins.
•  Chloe
• Token Ginger.
• Overly confident of herself.
• Gets Becca to audition for the Bellas.
• Throughout the film, the viewers get to witness her trying to develop a backbone to stand up to Aubrey. 
• She has nodes.
• She is played by Brittany Snow.
• You know she is in John Tucker Must Die, HairSpray,  & Prom Night?
• She is kind of fantastic.
• Her voice carries a lot of the vocal arragnements.
• After she gets her nodes removed, she has the ability to sing like a man.
•  Lilly
• She is the weird Asian girl.
• She gradually gets louder as the film progresses.
• She is Played by Hannah Mae Lee.
• She also develops the ability to beat box.
• She quite possibly has funnier lines than Rebel Wilson, but you can barely hear them. Some I was I able to detect:
• I once spent some time in County.
• I ate my twin in the womb.
• I set fires to feel joy.
• All these things being said, the only way this would have been better cast was if one of my best friends Jen was cast instead.
• Aubrey
• Pukes when she is nervous.
• Obsessive and controlling.
• She is played by Anna Camp.
• You might recognized her from The Help; she plays Jolene.
• Eventually she has a nervous break down and becomes a normal person. In the final number by the Bellas, you can see her letting her hair down [ good play on things to whoever decided to add that element].
• Fat Amy
• She calls herself Fat Amy so twigs like you don't do it behind her back.
• She can mermaid dance quite well.
• She is the best horizontal runner I know.
• She started her cardio today.
• She is played by Rebel Wilson.
• Only the greatest comedic actresses of our time.
• You probably know her from Bridesmaids.
• " I got a free tattoo. I could not believe it. The guy said, "do you want a tattoo?", opened up the side of his van...and said "it's for free!" So I said, "sure." It's a Mexican drinking worm. It's like a Native American symbol meaning wasted." 
•  She gets to sing a solo in the Bella's Regional Performance. When it's her turn to perform, she changes the beat of the performance. By her exquisite dance moves and additional words added, she steals the show. She also ends the whole thing by ripping her shirt and flashing the audience her undershirt. 
• She sometimes has the feeling to do crystal meth, & then is like mmmm, better not.
• She should be another one of my best friends.
• I'm completely serious.

& that is how Pitch Perfect, by my eyes, created a triple threat of fantastic-ness. 

Simply Shelby Sue

P.s. Sorry it has been a month since a new blog has been posted. I honestly, kind of completely, and unintentionally forgot to post. I suck at keeping my interweb fans happy.