You never realize how much your day revolves around someone until that someone is gone. Your world is shaken, stirred, and can never get back to what it was.
I miss him.
Certain foods bring me right back to snack times or running to the grocery store- not having to spend extra time in the snack aisle to bring home a "surprise" to make him smile. The little things used to do that.
From just simply saying good morning to saying I brought you a doughnut, that grin would be huge. I miss that grin.
I miss the constant ringing of the cell phone. Followed by a long drawn out , "helllllo." And then once again the grin would appear as he filled with joy that someone was thinking of him and wanted to talk to him. I miss hearing him talk.
Sometimes you could not even follow where his mind was going or what track it was on- he was random like that. A random noise or smell would get him going off on story telling adventures. I miss those stories. Stories of his time growing up being raised by his aunt. Stories from falling in love with my grandma Peggy. Stories of his time in WWII. Stories from his teaching days. I miss the reminiscing.
He would make you think about your own life. No matter how one tried, your accomplishments could never equal his. Not in a bad way, but in a remarkable way. The things he achieved in life and people he touched with his soul is beyond remarkable. The man is unforgettable. A man who taught me to live my life the way I want to. Enjoy every moment. Know that a little salt never hurt anybody- it is completely okay to salt your french toast and lays potato chips. It's never too early or too late for a snack. Snacks are suitable at any time of the night- you can even eat snacks with your teeth out. Keeping in touch with those you have met in life is quite important.
Never underestimate the power of an address book or my mother with a search engine. I miss him demanding us to google things.
Google amazed him. He thought you could type anything in and find an answer immediately. Which, is sort of true in ways I suppose. He also loved the Facebook. He loved when my mother would tell stories about his day or life- he especially loved when the photos we posted of him got lots of likes. He definitely taught me it is okay to love yourself. I miss him telling me that.
He definitely loved himself and his life. He lived a memorable one and never stopped loving. He even had a girlfriend, who was a few years older. He liked to call her a craddle robber. Somehow I don't think two people dating in their 90's is that drastic- but it always made him giggle to say that.
I never thought I would say this, but I even sort of miss him making out over the phone with his girlfriend. The smooches were extremely overwhelming for a granddaughter, but something that became routine and made me hope that one day I could be that happy.
The smooches followed by a countdown of their years to 100- followed by ooo, ooo,ooo. I miss those countdowns- especially on today. Today he would have celebrated his 95th birthday.
The countdowns were just a bit of his every day life. Scribbling his life story, he was determined to be featured in the newspaper. My grandpa loved his story and wanted to tell it to the world. I miss him telling me his progress everyday. Unfortunately, he never got his story published. Well at least not the one he was working on.
He had been featured before in the paper about his amazing journey on a bicycle to Chicago. I miss hearing him telling me that story. "I rode so much that I wore the seat out of my pants" & then his laugh.
He had the greatest laugh around. Laughs were always abundant during my life with him.
He was always there to put a smile on all of his grandchildren faces. He made us each feel like we were his favorite. He had that ability to make you feel incredibly special. He also taught us the valuable things in life.
I miss his lessons.
He taught us the best snacks- from coffee with more than a weeks worth of sugar to Better Cheddars, Twinkies, Orange Marmalade, Happy Meals, melted cheese, & good ol' salt water taffy [just to name a few]. He also taught us the value of office supplies. You can never have too many sharpies or red felt pens. Golden rod paper, while is good for many uses, it is also perfect for making paper airplanes; the only way to make paper airplanes is his way. If you want someone to know you know your stuff, carry a cross pen.
I miss seeing those pens everyday.
I miss seeing you everyday Grandpa.
I even miss you waking me up at 2 in the morning blasting the radio and turning on all the lights. I don't really sleep all that well these days at all; I have actually been sleeping down in your room looking to find any comfort. Your desk and dresser still sit, mostly untouched. I simply sit on my bed and wish you were yelling at me to help find some paper you swear was somewhere in there.
Life is not the same.
The house is far too quiet and is missing a big something.
It is missing you grandpa.
There is a Michael Buble song that says "you're every minute of every day". You truly were and are every minute of every single one of my days Grandpa. I would not be even half the person I am today without you in my life.
You taught me patience; something I needed. You taught me kindness; something I needed improvement. Most importantly, you taught me how life is unexpected; something that was a wake up call.
I never thought you would not be here today. I never thought you would not see me graduate college. I never imagined my wedding day without you there. I could never imagine my life with you.
& I am glad I never did, because reality with out you is gloomy.
Everyday I miss you and feel like my life will never get back on track. Every night I wait to hear you clicking your light switch on and off. When I walk past your room, I expect to see you in the doorway practicing your exercises. I even miss the trails of snack food across the floor.
Elle Woods misses you too [& Charlie does as well]. Elle still looks at your chair wishing her buddy was there to feed her crackers or another snack food she normally would not receive. Lil Dill missed you so much she had to join you. I am sure you have fed her many Doritos already in the past year [even though you know she is not supposed to have them].
Every day it seem surreal that you are no longer here. The table seems empty. You room seems empty. & your chair sits empty.
I know eventually things will get easier, but for now I think they will stick to the same pattern. A constant ache that you are gone. This ache is not felt just by me, but by everyone you touched with your brilliant soul.
I find comfort in the fact that I know have the best guardian angel a girl could ask for. I like to think that you are sending your love to us like we are sending it to you. I hope you are up above dancing with grandma Peggy; I hope you are serenading the angels with your beautiful voice. I hope there is all the fast food your heart desires and a candy dish full of only the finest salt water taffy. I hope you are watching over me and everyone else because your presence and love is still with all of us very much.
I hope because you taught me that hope is a beautiful thing and an important thing. Hope is what keeps us going. Hope is what makes me know that we are all going to be okay. And I hope you know how much you are loved and missed.
I miss you Grandpa Corky and just wanted to wish you a 95th birthday.
Love ya, love ya
your Shelb
P.s. 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100 --- Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!
P.s. I know you are wondering how I am doing with schooling & so far, so good. I am almost done with "those darn foreign language" classes.
