Textual Relationships, Daring Distance, And The Feels

All the Feels.

 Well lovelies, I suppose I am back. A little rusty, but ready to write my ramblings. Please be patient with my ramblings being fine tuned. Since my last posted blog, all I have written is ramblings. Quite a lot of ramblings, but this is the first one I have put together to share. Enjoy. Share. And hopefully I'll have more for you soon. 

With today's dating world headed in its current direction, I think some of these classic throwback jamz need a little lyrical updating. 

 

 

 

Remember Sisqo's, “So Sexual”. If it were written today, it would be “So Textual.”

“It's givin' me a chill. Everytime I think about the texts we send. It makes my heart sink deep into my soul Everywhere I go I'm always thinkin' of when we text 

Wanna go back to the day, When ya called a girl every day, Gotta take the chance to hear ya say. Hello. Girl you know you rock my world”

Sexual Seduction by Snoop? Try "Textual Seduction".

“She might be with him but shes textin 'bout me me meeeeeeee. We don't go to the mall, we don't go out to eat eat eeeaat. All that we ever do is text all night night niggght. Cue up some Netflix and go back to sleep sleep slee---p

'Cuz we done got us, a textual eruption."

& a personal favorite...

While J.T. Used to bring Sexyback, now all he wants to know is “Will you text me back?”

Will you text me back? [Nope] All these boys don't know how to act [Nope] I think it's special, So pick up the slack [Yup]

Snap me babe, You see these texts, baby. I am waitttting. I'll let you kiss me if we ever go on a date. It's just that no one makes me feel this way

[Chorus] Come on Boy (Go 'head, be gone with it), Text me back (Or go be gone with it)

Let's talk about Texts Baby.

In this day and age, it is hard to tell what you are, who you are, and who you want to be. Let alone, mixing all those wonders with another persons wonders and trying to form a “relationship.”

You can feel like you know a person- like really, truly know them. You know them in and out, all around. You know their favorite things. You just feel like everyday your life kind of revolves around this person.

But the reality is that this person only exists because of a cell phone. 

 

 

It is a bit ridiculous how things have changed so drastically in relatively little time. It is no longer acceptable to send beautiful love notes via snail mail. Nor, is it okay to have long phone call conversations [from a payphone or landline] expressing feelings and talking about the events of your day. It is 140 characters or less. These 140 characters may come daily, but more often than not, they come every few days. Some people may not even have someone that texts them. They might communicate through Snap chats. How are you supposed to fall in love with little words and quick snapshots of your daily life?

I am not sure you can. 

Especially, if you do not put effort into it.

You communicate like this for days, weeks, sometimes months, not knowing when an actual date will occur. You do it all in hopes that this person might be worth it. Maybe, just maybe, this one will lead to a relationship. A concept so foreign in your life. Relationships require connections texts cannot create. Not knowing the exact direction, things get stressful.

It is a downward spiral of emotions that eventually get old. Eventually, you need a physical relationship to develop. A relationship you thought you were building with somebody, but it has never appeared.

All I can  say is... it sucks. I have been there. Grab a glass of your beverage of choice and let's have a chat.

It sucks when all you want is to tell your day to somebody other than your dog or mom. Spill your problems and maybe get some input. Or simply just sit down and have a conversation. A real conversation with emotional cues and possibly hand gestures [if you are like me and occasionally talk with your hands].

You want to have this with this person you have built a “textual relationship” with, but they are never physically there. You start to question what you are doing. You look back at your past conversations and they are all nonsense. You feel like you know this person. But do you even know this person at all? Can you answer what color their eyes are without looking at a picture? Have you ever heard their voice? Do you know how to tell when they are mad, angry, sad, elated? Can you tell?

The answer is more than likely no.

You cannot tell.

You might know their eye color because you have a picture of them. It probably is not even a picture of you two together because you probably have never even hung out together yet. Or if you have hung out together, you probably were not all like, "LET'S HAVE A PHOTO-OP." Hell, it is very likely that the only picture you have is a screenshot from social media because you had to have proof for your friends.

Your friends can see that you are happy, but why are you happy? You aren't in a relationship. You are simply texting. How has texting evolved into the newest way to find a potential mate?

Really, you and this person are nothing. 

You are just talking to this “invisible” person. This person that has never really appeared in real life. Maybe they have appeared once or twice, but will it ever go past that?

I mean, it is sickening how much worry and thought goes into these “relationships.”

All you want is somebody.

Somebody to sit down every once and awhile and hell, I don't know. Watch a movie. I mean or maybe to take to family functions. Because if you have to hear the dreaded, “why aren't you married yet?” one more time, you might go insane. It would be nice to reassure them that you will not be single your entire life and that you do plan on eventually settling down one day. Sure, they do not need to know that if I never find the one, I plan on settling down with lots of dogs and becoming a crazy dog lady. Because I very well could. Even if I do find a husband one day, I will still be a crazy dog lady and hopefully he will be a crazy dog man. [but I digress].

Who knows what will happen. I cannot predict what life will bring.

If this were science class though, I could form the hypothesis, that if my life follows the current pattern, that I will be in textual relationship, after textual relationship, after textual relationship.

Why? Because in my experience no one wants to break the barrier of textual relationship.

They simply “ghost” and become a distant memory. You mourn and move on.

*For those that don't know what the term “ghosting” means, here is a definition from Urban Dictionary. The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels. “

I know I have personally been guilty of not wanting to break the barrier. I have been afraid to go on a date because...

• The thought that they might be an atrocious human being.
• I am so very awkward.
• What if the person I have been talking to is not what I have thought them to be in this imaginary lala land of technology? I like my lala land and would hate to disrupt that.
  
  
  
  
  

Dates make me nervous.

And the truth is I have never really been taken on a date.

I mean "dates" kind of went obsolete awhile back in my life. I have been asked on a few since, but I have  always gotten out of them. Why? Because the only other dates I have been on have been with people I was already dating at the time. Dating is a foreign concept to me and many others in today's world.

I miss how easy dating was in highschool. You tell your friend you think a boy is cute. They tell that boy's friend. Boy's friend tells boy. Boy texts you. You guys talk for a week or so. You hang out. If you like each other, you are boyfriend and girlfriend until one of the two feels like no longer dating. You could go through relationships like pieces of candy. No one was scared of them. They just were what you did. 

In the real word , you have a life. The few people I have met that seem willing to take the textual relationship into the dating realm want me to bend my life to fit theirs. 

But, they do not want to bend their life to fit mine.

I work. I do things. I am a full time college student. I have a life. But, I am willing to fit someone in my life, if they seem worth it. But I am not going to work to fit somebody in my life if they are not equally willing. If I travel to see somebody, they better travel to see me. Relationships should not be one way. At least, that is how I see it. It has to go both ways for it to work.

I understand that some people are more into making things work than others.

For me, my problem when dating always comes down to my location. The fact of the matter is, I live in a very small town. While I kind of have a love/hate relationship with my small town, I adore it. I adore it because I can run errands looking like a hot mess. I adore that everyone is comfortable with everyone. That is all besides the point. The point is while I love my small town, I cannot meet people in my small town. There is no one new here. There is no dating scene. For me to date, I am used to having to a drive a little bit. 30 minutes? That's fine. An hour that's fine? 2 hours? It can still work. It is what I have to do for a date. I know it is what I have to do because it is small town life. 

The thing is that the people who want to date me, think because it is I who live in the small town, I have to make the sacrifice. I mean, I personally think I am worth the drive. My small town may not be worth the drive, but I am. Isn't that the point of it? If you like somebody enough, you can meet halfway. You can do something?

It is just a drive.

Hell, I make use out of my drives. This blog was recorded on a drive.

Sure, there may be other things to do during the time you have spent driving. Sure, it might cost some gas money. If you drive to me, there is nothing really to do in this town. There is not really any other costs than that. If there was, I would cover it because you came to me. Isn't that the common courtesy?

I guess I never understood why distance is such a big thing.

It is not just with dating. It is also with friendships.

Some of my best friends have never even been to my hometown. During my third year of college, I decided to switch schools and live at home. My hometown was only 20ish minutes away from the college I left. My friends would get upset because I would not come to town sometimes when they asked, but did they ever come see me? Nope. Why? “Because it was a drive.” Okay then, but I have to drop everything to drive to you?

I want friendships and relationships that think I am worth the drive.

I want somebody who thinks, oh you live there? That's fine. You want me to come to you or you come to me? After that, you just switch it back and forth.

Easy as pie really.

Nothing is complicated unless you make it complicated.

Since I do live in the middle of nowhere, I am willing to meet halfway. Hell, I will pick ya up halfway and chauffeur you the rest. In high school, we would drive an hour to cruise around another town with friends. A few hours to hang out with somebody you like? Priceless.

There are a million ways to make things work. It is just whether or not you want to put in the effort. It is whether or not you think somebody is worth it.

I keep saying this and that makes me think I am not worth it. Because nobody has ever wanted to put in the effort for me.

I am worth it though. I am a spectacular human being.

*Cue some Worth it by Fifth Harmony

A few years ago I could not have said that about myself, but now, I know what I am. I have my flaws and my issues. I am pretty great. I know I am a person that when I care for somebody, I am going to care for them. I am all in. I am the type of person that will pick up random gifts for people because they reminded me of them. I like to make people smile. Am I judgmental sometimes? Yeah. Am I as judgmental as I once was? No.

So my moral of all this gibberish  is that the reality of relationships today is deeply twisted, wrong most of the time, and confusing as hell.

If you are ever in a position like me questioning hell, am I not worth it? 

You are. You most definitely are.

We all have those times when we question every move we make. Did we text too often? Did we not text enough? Do I come off as clingy? While maybe some of those thing might be true, if those were not your intentions, you are fine. I have said it before and I will say it again, and more than likely, again. We all have flaws. If this somebody you have been in a textual relationship with cannot handle that, they are the ones that are wrong.

To give you an example of when we come off different than we intend and feel to blame. One guy I was texting liked to acknowledge “how depressing” I was. That I was always “sad.”

Did they ever ask why? No. They did not care enough to.

They did not care enough to find out that I just lost the most important person in my life- my grandpa. Did they care that a few weeks later my family had another loss? Did they care that my family lost our neighbor who was like family? A person that I said hello to every day I was home for 13 years. Did you care to ask about that? Nope. One day I woke up, and suddenly he was no longer there to say hello to. Those are just a few of the losses my family occurred this year. There was the loss of a person who at one point was a close friend. I hate having to use this example because I do not want to bring attention to it. I do not want to bring this sadness into this, but this is the best example of a reason why you should not assume you know a person. If you think a person is depressed, you should seek to help them and comfort them. You should never, ever shame them. That is why I am sharing this personal tidbit, as a small side PSA.

I mean, if I am a little depressing, I think I am allowed to be and it is okay.

I am not the type of depressed I was at one point in my life. I know the difference. 

When bad things happen, you are allowed to be sad.

 Life sometimes make us sad. Things happen.

If somebody is making you feel inadequate because you are feeling...

Screw them. 

Screw them because they do not know what you have been through. Nor, do they care enough to try to understand or help you through what you are going through. If they just try to brush it off with their positive attitude and act like you are the one with the problem? They have no idea what you have been through.

They should not make you feel less of a person for feeling.

Feeling is okay.

And that is the moral of this blog. Feels. 

Feels are everywhere. They are contagious. I currently have the feels.

If you are confused about what you are with somebody, you are not alone. We are all having these problems because it is how the world is run today.

People want fast. People want easy. They want to be able to text you when they want, then throw you away. If you are too far away? Screw you. You are the problem. Liking you is an inconvenience to them. If you want them, you have to put in all the work. If you get too emotional? They will prefer to hide away because emotions are not really welcome because they complicate things. 

Because what is more complicated. Being single, being in a relationship, or being in a confusing textual relationship?

If you are somebody reading this and thinking, “wow, I have done that to somebody. How do I fix it?”

The answer to that question I do not know.

How do you fix something that is so terribly broken? You cannot just call them up because calling is not an acceptable way to communicate these days. You could maybe text them and be honest. There is a thought. Be honest. Tell the person you are in a textual relationship with what you think the outcome will be. Be courteous. That is all anyone wants. People want somebody to have the courtesy to stand up and speak their mind. The truth might hurt at first sometimes, but it is always better than confusion. There are so many things you can say and do. The real question is do you have the “balls” to do so? 

I know I don't have the balls to do it. I could never just ask somebody out or ask somebody what we are. That is just the type of person I am. I am working on it. I am working on being more vocal in relationships. I am working on growing some cojones. For now, I am who I am.

& that is why, I am Simply Textual Shelby Sue. 

 

P.s. Isn't textual such a fun word to say? I really like to say it like "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia."