CUE THE INTRODUCTORY STATEMENT!
So forgive me for hoarding away inside, but I have been watching a lot of cheesy movies lately. Do not get me wrong, I have life [well kind of, sometimes, definitely maybe, but really not at all]. I just really do not like sleep or people or being in public because that takes the effort of getting ready. Who actually likes primping for hours on end just for a few nights? I mean I work, I do school and stuff, but I am a really good anti-social procrastinator. I can spend hours on end silently clicking away on my computer or watching films; I can make a 15 minute assignment last 2 weeks if I want.
My antisocial tendencies benefit you though!
You see, since I have not been social [or sleeping. It is actually more the sleeping than the social part], I have been noticing themes in films and been conjuring many different blogs about said themes. There are surprisingly a lot more themes than you might think considering most of these cheesy films follow the same plot line. BUT GUESS WHAT? I figure I might as well attempt another blog series for you all again. We know how well these go. But for the sake of me maybe actually following through, the first installment of this blog series is about one of the most prevalent things I notice in cheesy films...
First Kisses.
The perfect seen is set. Whether it be underneath the stars, in the rain, or at the airport before a love interest is about to leave the country, each kiss is perfectly timed at the perfect moment. The boy and girl both have perfect hair, the perfect outfit [well sometimes],
NOBODY'S FIRST KISSES ARE LIKE THEY ARE IN FILM.
Want to know a funny story? Besides the surprise attack from a boy named Tyler on the Kindergarten bus, my real first kiss is more of a joke than precious moment. The guy [name left anonymous because I do not want to embarrass him too much on the interweb] was so nervous, he missed and kissed the corner of my eye. Sadly to say that relationship didn't last and I pity anyone who has to play pin the tail on the donkey with this kid- make sure its the velcro kind, not the actually pin type.
Anywho, here are some of my favorite "First Kisses" in Cheesy Cinematic History:
- "The Girl in the Lop-side Crown", Sleepover, Julie Corky and Steve:
How perfect was that? Ignoring that fact that her styling was completely awful. I get she is moving from middle school to high school, but a pink cap sleeve shirt probably is not the way to a guys heart- especially when said cap sleeved shirt looks like it was made for a third grader. But she gets to kiss the guy she's had a crush on since forever! Also he likes her because she likes skateboarding and hot dogs. Though I might judge him for his standards being set so low, at least he knows what he likes. This first kiss is sort of creepy though because well, he climbs into her broken tree house, with the bent crown [she thought she lost the night before], and is just like all "hey". It is borderline stalker/ borderline adorable.
- "Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing" A Cinderella Story, Sam Montgomery & Austin Aimes:
Any young adult who says they have not seen this movie (and partially memorized this movie) is lying. So Hillary Duff is the real life cinderella with a real life evil step mother, but has a secret online romance through a chat room- their aliases? PrincetonGirl and Nomad. Those names could use a little work, but that is besides the point. Without spoiling the story too much, he finds out who she is and is kind of a jerk about the whole thing. Eventually Sam decides to stick up for herself and tells him off, along with everyone who stepped all over her. At the football game she gets upset as the crowd starts chanting Austin's name, so she gets up to leave; at the time she's leaving, Austin looks to the crowd to find her, calls time out, and runs up to the stands to confess his love. And as they kiss, the drought is ended and all is well. LIKE WHO CAN SAY THEIR FIRST KISS ENDED A DETRIMENTAL DROUGHT?
- "A Real Foot Poppin Kiss" - Princess Diaries, Mia Thermopolis & Michael:
As anybody who has seen this film knows, Mia friend-zones the cute guy who is in love with her and goes for the jerk, Josh. Josh is popular, tan, and had great hair [well at the time it was great hair for a guy to have, now it is not so attractive]. While Mia becomes popular due to her recent fame of discovering she's a princess, Josh and her go on a date at the beach party. Josh ends up kissing her in a shed [as they hide away from paparazzi]; Mia's foot doesn't pop and she is left embarrassing her family and finding out her dream guy was a fluke who just liked her for crown. It takes an M&M pizza and invitation to her ball, but Michael comes around and forgives her. As Mia looks to the crowd for someone to take her hand, Michael appears looking debonair [resembling a 60s rock star] and joins her on the dance floor. Afterwards, he takes her to the garden where they kiss, Mia's foot pops, and as it does the garden lights up and the fountain turns on. Being a Disney movie, of course it was quite magical.
- "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie," Clueless, Cher & Josh:
Though people might see an older ex-stepbrother in college and his old little high school sister kissing as weird, it is still on my list because I LOVE THIS MOVIE. The whole time she is searching for someone to love and the whole time it was her ex-step brother who is also one of her best friends; which I know, I somewhat hate on because most the time best friends cannot turn into relationships. It is just a matter of fact about how things really work out. BUT I MEAN COME ON. Cher & Josh are perfect together... plus I just really like Paul Rudd. And she didn't even have to leave her house to get her first kiss with him- just conveniently at the top of her staircase.
Now this list could go on and on and on, but I feel like ending it here because let's be real- I just need to post another blog before you all disown me.
But you see boys. My next "first kiss" has the qualifiers that it should cure a drought [or happen in rain, I could settle for rain], be in a treehouse that you creepily climbed in to with a bent crown, maybe something on my staircase [I really like staying home], but most importantly you better make my foot pop.
& that being said,
I'm Simply Sleepy Shelby Sue.
P.s. I'm currently procrastinating as I write this blog. You are welcome that I love you more than school.
