I Am Beautiful No Matter Whatttt They Say

 Lately, the issue of weight has been on mind quite frequently & obviously it is on the mind of many in my surrounding town, communities, and even family. After being harassed at the bars this last weekend by a guy at least 5 years older than myself, I feel as if I need to embrace this issue and try to come to terms with the subject of "my weight".

Here are some really fun facts I have learned about myself:

• "Are you pregnant? [no]. Well you sure look it!"
• One of my second cousins asked me if I was pregnant at my Grandpa's Birthday Party a few months back. As I responded no, they indeed did say "Well, you sure look it".

• "She has gotten quite a bit bigger than she was in high school."
• A girl, who is a mere acquaintance [she dated a kid in my town], had the courage to randomly talk to one of my sorority sisters about me- the talk mainly being about how I had gotten bigger since high school. The fact of the matter is that most people get bigger after high school. Talking about me is not going to make you any prettier sweetie. Quite frankly, anyone who talks about someones weight is ugly on the inside- no matter what size jeans they wear. 

& here is my favorite and newest factoid ...

• "I was not talking about your sister, I was calling your sister-in-law a Fat-Ass."
•  As if the leading line does not say enough, this is what the guy [remember he is at least five years older than me] said to my brother-in-law when confronted about his actions. This was after he accosted me for being "anti-social" and after he rammed a table into me multiple times. This is after he went off on my best friend for being a "city slicker". This was also after I  refused to dance with his belligerent drunk self. Oh, and it is also after he grabbed my wrist so hard I had red marks and it continues to hurt as I am typing this lovely blog. After all his high and mighty stunts, he did not even have the balls to say this to my face, which speaks for itself.

So I am a prego-fatass who has gotten a lot bigger since high school. Look, I can say  all of this stuff too! But is it necessary? I do not know if all my readers know this, so I am just going to come out and say it...

I HAVE CURVES.

I honestly did not know that it was such a big ordeal. Even at my skinniest, my butt was nicknamed "the Bailey Booty". I guess when your body balances itself out it is unacceptable and you enter yourself into a realm of people to criticize you EVERYDAY. What's funny is that in the olden-days, I would have been the creme de la creme- being as I had what they would define as ideal "birthing hips". All you skinny, twig betches would have been the ones criticized for not having enough meat on your bones.

I know weight is not a issue for just me. People everyday are getting harassed for their weight.We keep hoping that tomorrow things will get better and we will be motivated. Sadly, with each new day, the motivation never arrives and we are left with another day of hating who we are. And all I have to say is that...

This has got to stop.

What gives anybody the right to define who we are as individuals and what our bodies look like? Everybody has their own issues, problems, and reasons for looking the way they do. You all have no idea what a person is going through as you toss out your opinions left and right about their body. They could eat fast-food everyday or they could simply have a medical condition that prevents them from losing weight. To all you people tossing out names left and right about us who have weight issues, sorry for being such a big inconvenience.

And since everyone surrounding me is so concerned with my body image, here are the facts surrounding my weight gain:

• When transitioning to college, I was not nearly as active as I was in high school. I was not in every organization you could be in. I was no longer cheerleading my life away with practices and games. My lifestyle's pace simply changed.
• I  entered college with a slew of health problems, some stemming from these conditions:
• Severe Asthma
• Familial Tremors [this is why my hand-writing is nearly illegible most days].
• Along with being constantly sick, the doctors discovered my sophomore year:
• I have Celiac's disease- meaning I am currently still under-going a complete dietary change.
•  I had a bad gallbladder.
• By second semester of my sophomore year, I had lost interest in everything. I no longer knew what I wanted to do in school, I was consumed with ill feelings, and again I was constantly sick. This made me:
• Never want to leave bed.
• Never want to go to class.
• Constantly sick- from colds to the flu. I do not remember one day feeling completely well.
• By summer, I began suffering panic attacks from thinking my life had spiraled out of control. Anytime I thought about returning to the Truman in the Fall, my lungs tightened, my heart raced, and I could barely breath. While battling with these attacks, I also tried extremely hard to lose weight. I dieted and worked out everyday- I never lost a pound. This lead me to:
• Withdraw from TSU.
• Give up on losing weight for the time being.
• Enroll in Community College.
• Seek help from my Doctor.
• That Fall I went through a period where blood testing was a regular. I focused on schooling and figuring out what I wanted to do in life. I started to realize that things were not completely out of control and that I could still succeed in life. This breakthrough resulted in:
• A 4.0 GPA
• Re-Admittance to Truman for the next Fall
• The discovery of an immune disorder, as well as other conditions as implied throughout.
• This Spring, I made a resolution to try to tackle my weight gain. I have gradually gone into things, while balancing out the rest of my life. Because of my new outlook I have:
• Lost 15 pounds [though people obviously do not think I have].
• Achieved another 4.0 GPA
• Graduated with my Associate of the Arts Degree
• Landed a Part-Time Job that I thoroughly enjoy

& here is the part, where I feel people are giving me the "motivational" pep talks:

• You are not fat.
• You are beautiful.
• Just because you are a little bigger than you used to be, does not mean anything.
• I am bigger than you are. 
• At least you look healthy, than sickly.
• Etc, Etc, Etc.

& here is where I finally say it ...

You are Wrong.

The actions that lead me to write this blog are examples enough. Yes- those people are no better than scum beneath someones toes, but they stated something that I am not denying. I battle with a lot of things everyday- especially my weight. When I look in the mirror, I do not necessarily like anything that is looking back at me, but that is only motivation more to work towards change. These past few months have not been a drastic improvement by any means, but it is progress and that is all I can ask. I know right now that I am not as in shape as I used to be. I know I have a big ass. Some days when I eat gluten, I honestly do look pregnant.

SO WHAT

God gave me curves and sorry if that offends everyone else around me.

I'm Simply Shelby Sue & I think my curves are beautiful.

P.s. Summer is upon us and so is blogging season. Prepare yourselves- I am no longer holding anything back because where is the fun in that?