Look at me! Look at me!

Recently I encountered a situation and it has spurred a mix of emotions, thoughts, and rants within me.

& so, being as I am trying to actually be a writer and write things because that's what writers do- I figured I might as well share this most recent revelation. I also figured to best explain my thoughts, I thought I might use the assistance of the Kardashian clan to help me out in gif form.

Topic: Social Media

Subject: Information Sharing

I am not really sure where to begin. I apologize now if this post seems discombobulated because it more than likely will be. I keep witnessing the same scenario over and over again and I am just so sick of it.

I call it the "Look at Me" syndrome. 

 

You know them. The people who are constantly posting on social media to essentially get people to "Look at them." "look at me, I am being social." "Look at me, I am cool and drinking a fancy drink." "Look at me, I am so in love." "Look at me, I actually had something cool happen to me."

And these "look at me" people seem to fall into at least two categories: the "look at me, I rarely post unless I had something big happen or somebody else has something big happen and I want to piggyback their successes" or "look at me, I post all the time and think that every time I do anything I need to post a picture."

& I am not being a hypocrite because I once was the latter. Ever since my parents bought me my first digital camera for Christmas [and almost every year since being as I'm a klutz with technology-but as usual, I digress], I was obsessed with documenting my life, but I mean I have loved photos from a young age- this is nothing new. I loved looking at old photos with my mom and learning the stories behind them. So I decided to document my life and the people who made it so wonderful. I took pictures of everything. Food I was eating. What we were doing in class. What we did in cheerleading. Every little thing I could...and I did it for years. In fact, I think I did it from about 6th or 7th grade until my present day and age. I love photographs. They can bring so much emotion and tell so many stories. 

There is nothing wrong with any of that.

My problem came when I discovered Facebook. The bottomless pit entered my life as I entered the 9th grade. I thought all my photos needed to be shared. At the time, Facebook's privacy was awesome and it really was just for friends. No hidden agendas- just simply uploading photos to upload photos. Then Facebook introduced the options to like or share and then now all your friends friends can see their activity, even if they have no idea who you are. 

 

That's really not okay.

The only reason I have kept Facebook is for my family and close friends.

It is not for anyone else and that is why I have been slowly "de-friending" people. If I wouldn't say hi to you at the store, why would I want you knowing my day to day happenings? 

& That's where the competition and hidden agendas come into play. Facebook has become a world of "look at me" people because people crave the likes, the shares, the attention.

I hate attention.

I remember when I started blogging, a few unhappy people would say "you know she's just doing that for attention." Nope. That is not it. I blog because I am a writer. I blog because I need to get these crazy thoughts out of my head. I blog because while it somewhat stirs my sanity, it also tames it.

I do not want all eyes on me. I just want to share my information with people I care about with out people reading all into it.

But that is what we do. People. We read into everything.

& for good reason.

Because everything these days has a hidden agenda.

When I first entered the smart-phone world, I craved the attention. I will admit it. I wanted people to know I was now  "so, hip, so cool". And now I could give a rat's ass [pardon my unladylike wording, but it fit so well here]. & I cannot clean up what I have done. Years and years and years of over-sharing is impossible to erase- not to mention what people must think. I know I should not care about what others think, but I am only human and do. I certainly do not want people to think I upload things to be "loved and adored". I upload pictures as a form of expression or simply to share them with my family. That is really it.

& this brings me to the "Look at me's"

These people suck. I used to be one of them, so I am allowed to say it.

These people have no boundaries and have really lost emotion for people themselves. They do not even think about what they are posting and how it might affect those who love and care about them. Even if you do not want to be, most kids are friends with their parents on Facebook. Do you think your mom likes looking at you drinking every night? What about pictures of you half clothed? Do you think your mom would be proud of those accomplishments?

I think your mom would rather you post intellectual articles or thoughts on life. Not thoughts on what drink you are going to order tonight.

The thing of it is that most people don't think you are cool for what you are doing. You are simply hurting those around you or developing a not so keen reputation. Because even if you are not meaning to come off this way, you do.

& then, these people tend to want to share everything. Especially news that will get all eyes on them. If a situation is getting someone a lot of attention and they can somehow weasel their way into it, they will. They will steal your pictures and post them as their own before you can. Have you ever known someone who has done that? I have. And it sickens me. What gives people the right to think they can announce someone's big news before they can? Let alone, upload someones photos as their own.

This situation makes me want to scream because although you are getting all this gratitude, you just really hurt someone to get those 5 minutes of fame. Those comments are not for you; those comments are for them. Funny that they cannot see them though because it is not their post. Posting a picture of an event you were not even at? Ha, you are a jack-off. Posting someones personal pictures without their permission? Are you even a human being? & I do not mean catfishing. I mean people who do it because they think it is cute and they want people to "look at them".

What you just did seems miniscule. It is just Facebook right? No. Not right. In this day in age nothing is just "Facebook". Facebook sadly means a great deal and you ruined that great deal for somebody. Hope your five minutes of fame were worth it because those people cannot undo what you just did.

Think about it. If you are thinking, "oh, have I done that?", you probably have. You probably should apologize. & you probably should go delete that post- even if it was months or years ago. 

 

As far as sharing on social media goes, be careful with it. I know I am guilty of tweeting something when I am upset and then regretting it. Sure, I go back and delete it, but that tweet still had its time on the internet. It still was out there. It still meant something and it should not have ever been out.

If you go out every night, more power to you. But do you need to have a photo-shoot every time? How many crop tops, mixed drinks, and drunk faces do you really have?

If you love your baby or dog, post all you want. Sure, while not everybody likes it, you are just proud of some living thing. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

If you are attending a concert, attend a concert. Take a few shots, then put down the phone [cue Watsky's "Tiny Glowing Screens"] [but don not cue it if you don't like the occasional curse word. rap music has that]. Enjoy the moment. 

 

If you want to act like somebody's accomplishments are your own, get a life.

My main point is to go out with your friends and do not worry about taking a picture to document it. Enjoy that 5th amaretto sour, but do not tell the world. Ever since I stopped trying to make every night a "photo shoot", my life got so much better. Sure, I will Snapchat- that is what Snapchat is for. I just do not worry about if "we didn't take pictures last night and we looked so good." Yeah, we did look good and we will remember that night because we were not worried about making everybody else notice it. We actually enjoyed it. 

I owe one of my best friends for this. Before her, I was super obnoxious- and I mean like super photo obnoxious. I know it. My friends know it. People who barely know me know it. My best friend does not really like having her picture taken though, which made that part of our relationship difficult. But from that, I stopped worrying about taking pictures because I knew she did not want to. And from there, I have become the person I am today. A person who can go out and enjoy a night at the bar. A person who can do something crazy and not have to tell the whole world. A person who can live in the moment and not worry about how social media would play in. A person who is actually tolerable to be around. 

 

So as I continue this "look at me" detox, I encourage you all to as well. While I might become less photogenic, I think the rewards outweigh the few losses. Put down the phone, put away "the Facebook" and let's have coffee without the pressure of making it worthy to share. & in your spare time, I recommend looking into making your information more private because believe me the internet is kind of like the box of notes you kept from middle school; it is never ending and full of a past-you that is not someone you want to be known as. 

 

I would apologize if this offended anybody, but it really should not offend anybody. While I did have some people in mind in particular, the list is way too long to single out a few. And it is nothing that you should take personal offense to. It is not about you. It is about what you are doing and how it is affecting those around you and how you are making them look at you.

But hey, look at me, <------ see what I did there?

I'm Simply Shelby Sue

P.s. I cannot reiterate enough. Do not post somebody's big news before they do. You are an awful human being. 

 

I am not a trend.

*Disclaimer: my apologies now if this offends anybody. It's not a personal attack towards anyone; it's simply me stating things from my point of view. Take my words with a grain of salt and you do you.

Do you know how frustrating it is when you mention your allergy and have it followed by “oh, you're one of those people?”

No. I am not. 

I am not on the bandwagon because I think it is “hip” or “cool” or “I really want to lose 3 pounds”.

I am gluten-free because I have to be. 

It is forced upon by my body because my body decided it is allergic to wheat, barley, and rye. Sorry if it is inconveniencing you because for some reason being "gluten-free" really pisses people off. I think it stems from the fact that everyone and their dog think they need to be gluten-free. Recently people decided being gluten-free was cool and that they could give their life some significance by forcing themselves to not eat gluten. You know what I have to say to those people?

Screw you.

Screw you for making this disease seem cool. Screw you for making restaurants hate people for being gluten-free. Screw you for making it seem like it is so much fun. Screw you for making it seem like it is a way to lose weight. Screw you for making it seem so easy.

BECAUSE IT IS NOT EASY.

Sure, being gluten-free would be easy if you didn't have to worry about getting gluten in your food and having a reaction because of it. Sure, it would be easy if I could occasionally have pasta or that piece of cake because I'm just doing this as a “diet”. I would love to cheat and eat a whole can of Chef Boyardee.  It would be so nice to go to dinner and not have to worry about what exactly is in things because if I go a little off track, it's not a big deal.

See, it is a big deal. A very big deal. 

For the first two years of my diagnosis, I did not treat it like a big deal. I was surrounded by people who made me feel like I was being a pain in the butt and minimizing my disease to just being a part of this fad. Due to peer pressure, I simply decided it was not that important to put my health first. In reality, all I was doing was destroying my bodies immune system a little more. The more I somewhat ate gluten, the worst I felt, the more pregnant I looked, the more time I spent in the bathroom, and the more sick I was. None of those things are fun.

After a serious wake-up call, I realized what I was doing; it wasn't until then that I realized how much people who go gluten-free for the hell of it piss me off. The worst kind are the ones that never eat that way, but when they are in public they make a huge deal about it. “Oh, I can't eat anything here.” And my favorite part is when I can correct them and say “actually, there is. It's called vegetables. Learn to love them if you are eating this way”.

And you know what it's like when you are a celiac and you get “gluttened”?

It is a lot like what I imagine hell is like

Symptoms that can last days. Brain fog. Spending more than half your day in the bathroom. Your belly resembles someone who is three months pregnant. Rashes. Hot flashes. Feeling like you are about to die. Immune system crashing. Never wanting to leave bed. Feeling like you have been ran over by a car three times in a row. To top it off, more than likely you will be hit with a wave of depression.

Does this sound like fun?

In my most recent "gluttening", I almost walked into a door because my depth perception was off. If you think walking into doors in fun, then I guess you really would love being a celiac. 

 

& to those of you who think it's fun to pretend to be “gluten-free” and conveniently only eat that way when you are around me.

SCREW YOU TIMES INFINITY.

 

Don't send me snapchats saying “gluten-free”. Don't make tweets or status updates about gluten-free. Don't say anything about “us” being gluten-free because it isn't “us”. I am gluten-free because I have an allergy; you are gluten-free for attention. And while attention is a disease, I don't want it associated with my disease because those of us who actually are gluten-free for health reasons would rather the attention be drawn away. 

I would love to be able to go to a restaurant and be normal. I wish I wouldn't have to bug my waiter or waitress for an allergen menu. I wish I wouldn't have to have anxiety worrying about what if I have reaction. I wish I could go through a fast-food drive-thru and order anything I wanted. And I really wish I could indulge in my drunk cravings and eat all the Taco Bell my little heart desires.

& I know people are going to take this rant as someone being a whiny baby, but I am just mad. I am mad at the world for pretending like they understand. I am mad at restaurants for claiming to be gluten-free when they aren't And I'm mad that people get mad at me getting mad and angry at them for the way they treat this "gluten-free" lifestyle as such a cool thing. If you had to live this lifestyle for the rest of your life [well unless science makes a miraculous cure] , you would be angry too.

Imagine a life without deep dish pizza, ball park franks, caramels, pancakes, french toast, donuts, soups, a cheeseburger, sub sandwiches, chicken nuggets, Chinese food , croutons, bread, and anything with wheat in it.

Sure, you could make a gluten-free alternative at home, but there is no comparison.

For now I'm just an angry twenty-something who is pissed off at anything and everyone dealing with being gluten-free because people truly don't understand how hard this lifestyle can be sometimes.  Appreciate the ease of grocery shopping. Appreciate not knowing how to read labels. Appreciate microwavable meals; more importantly, appreciate frozen microwavable meals that don't cost $5.00 each. Actually, appreciate food that is not ridiculously high priced in general. 

Appreciate the convenience of not having an allergy. 

Live life and eat all the chalupas you can, for those of us that can't.

& now I'm hungry.

So very very hungry.

I'm Simply Wheatless Shelby Sue

P.s. Excuse me while I stuff my face with gluten-free pretzels.

I'm back, though I never really left.

I'm trying to make myself write again.

& yes, you read that right "try". 

Such a pathetic word when all you've wanted to be your entire life was a writer. All you want to be is a writer and you are forcing yourself to write. How does one get here? I would tell you, but honestly I don't know. One day, I just woke up and lost ambition. Not only for writing, but for a lot of things really. It is all more than likely a result of my life sort of falling apart, which is another thing that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Writers supposedly thrive off depressing matters and here I am at such a depressing time in my life and to write this is a chore. A year ago, I thought I was finally piecing my life together and a year later, it's sort of like my puzzle got wet. You know what I mean? When you spill koolaid on your new puzzle and the pieces just never quite fit together and the picture is warped, so putting it back together takes much longer and is a struggle. 

I can't believe I just compared my life to a kool-aid stained puzzle.

But I did, and I'm not going to erase it because the imagery works good enough for you to understand what I mean. My puzzle just doesn't want to go back together quite yet. I thought I was ready to tackle life and achieve great things; life on the other hand thought I was ready for another loop-d-loop.   So here are three quick updates on my life for those who don't know, which I'm not sure a lot of people know.

• I am currently a college drop-out.
• Though, I do at least have my Associate's degree.
• Yes I am looking at other colleges.
• Preferably online.
• I just don't know where.
• And these personal statements might make me never send in my applications.
• I still don't know what's wrong with me.
• Yes, I still feel crappy 90% of the time.
• Yes, I'm still trying to figure it all out.
• But, hey, we'll figure it out eventually right?
• I'm getting healthy (betcha didn't see that one coming).
• I have lost around 25 pounds.
• I am not anywhere near my goal.
• I legitimately like vegetables. 

Those are just a few of the loop-d-loops in my life that I don't mind sharing. These things have made me question my ability to do most everything. 

& that's essentially why I stopped sharing my writings. I questioned my ability. I questioned the quality. I questioned everything about every single piece I finished that I didn't want to share them. In a day and age where everyone is a writer, I felt like I was just another person who could write so-so; I didn't want people thinking I was doing it for the attention [like a few people have said]. I write because I love it. I write because it allows me to become another person or share the thoughts that swirl around in my head. Being a vivid daydreamer and overthinker, I think my brain would explode if I didn't write.

So today...out of nowhere... I decided maybe sharing my writings wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe writing for the general public isn't so bad. Maybe it will help me through this weird time in life. And maybe, my words can help somebody else out.

I did originally intend for my semester off to be time off to work on my novel. & my novel is only about seven chapters and lacks any depth whatsoever. I do have about 50 blogs I have written though and not published. So while it is in the works, I might as well put some effort back into this blog and share the thoughts I have had over the last few months.

So while this blog has been on and off again since it has started, I guess it is time for it to be on again. Maybe I'll find some consistency and maybe I'll receive feedback that can help me find my direction in life... so if you have the map of my life plan, feel free to send it my way. 

Until then, I'm a little bit lost, a 50/50 of healthy and unhealthy, and now a bit more sharing...

I'm Simply Shelby Sue

P.s. Start taking bets on how many blogs it takes for me to lose consistency.